So we’re leaving Old Navy last weekend. We successfully executed our plan to zip out there and grab a couple of marked down swim suits for Kinz. Summer’s almost up and we figured we could find some bargains. We did. And now Kinz isn’t complaining about swim suits that have saggy drawers. Which, all in all, works out well for all involved.
On our way out Mom and I are having a conversation. Mom is in her typical spot in the co-pilot’s seat while all the girls are in the back seat of my truck. Bails is right behind me. Again, normal seating arrangement. Can’t remember the context but I think I used the term “douchebag” in reference to somebody Mom mentioned. It wasn’t Anthony Weiner. But my attempt at using the aforementioned term of derision under my breath evidently was a failure.
“What’s a doosh?” says the girl sitting right behind me. And she didn’t just ask it that innocent 9 year-old kinda way. There was genuine curiosity behind the ask along some unnecessary emphasis on the word. Like she’s heard it before. From me. In reference to somebody I hold in low regard. Like Bill Maher.
Anyway, this inquiry was posited while I was rocking out to Blinded By The Light by Manfred Mann. Which, by happenstance, is my second favorite Manfred Mann song. Right behind For You. But despite its second place ranking in my all-time Manfred Mann songs list, I still love Blinded By The Light. I love it as much as I love nachos. So yeah, we’re talking nacho level love here. But, as everybody who has listened to this song knows, there is that consistent chorus where he says “Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.” And, again, as everyone knows, there isn’t person on the planet who doesn’t believe they saying “revved up a like doosh.”
So thanks Manfred Mann for your weird 70’s lyrics that sound like doosh. Because now my soon to be fourth grader wants to know what a “doosh” is. Plus I was rocking out to the song. A song that really isn’t in the regular rotation on the radio. But now we’re talking about a “doosh.”
My purely instinctual reaction was to laugh. Because it was funny. Naturally, being the experienced parent that I am I resisted that response and formulated an age appropriate yet truthful explanation.
Seriously that’s all crap. I totally busted a gut laughing. So did Mom. But I did have the presence of mind to attempt a redirect. It’s parenting equivalent of faking a hand off and hitting the tight end over the middle. I simply said he’s not saying “doosh” he’s saying “deuce.”
What’s a “deuce?”
“It’s means the number 2.”
For about a second a half, there was silence. Then we all busted up laughing again.
“Um, well, yeah. Like poop. Number 2.” Then to myself I muttered under my breath, because I don’t have the self-control to stop myself when it comes to poop jokes, “hence the phrase ‘droppin a deuce.’”
I’ve yet to hear the girls employ the phrase so either I was successful in my muttering or the girls simply are only saying it when I’m not around.
But Bails remained undeterred in regards to her initial and primary question. She still wanted a definition for a “doosh.” So I told her.
“In the this context, a doosh is an insult somebody calls another person when they think the other person is, well, a real jerk who does crappy things to other people because they are super selfish and often just mean.”
I quickly added, “It’s not a word kids should use.”
So far so good.
Then later during our nice little Saturday, we’re at Bed, Bath and Beyond. We just renovated both of our upstairs bathrooms. Which by the way are now awesome. They were vintage 1991 with builder’s grade everything in there. Now it feels like somebody else’s house. It’s like we’re grown-ups now. I mean it’s kinda weird. Yesterday morning I experienced two firsts. Took my first shower in the new master bath and then I went down to the gas station and cashed my first ever lottery winnings.
$18. Haven’t spent it all yet. But I got my eye on a six pack of Miller Lite tallboys.
Back to Bed, Bath and Beyond. I’m good at alliteration. I want to know who is in charge of the soundtrack in there. Because I heard, in order, Missing Persons doing Words, Big Country doing In a Big Country and LeVert singing Casanova. That’s a combo you don’t hear often. Well, that’s a combo you never hear. Ever. In fact it may have been the first time. Big Country gets played all the time on 80’s stations. That’s not uncommon. It’s like hearing Come on Eileen. Now Missing Persons is a bit more rare. Not totally unheard of but c’mon, you just don’t flip on your radio and hear Missing Persons. And when you do, sometimes it’ll be Destination Unknown instead of Words. But LeVert? C’mon man, nobody has heard that song since 1987. Not that I’ve been clamoring for it…I’m just saying that who goes to Bed, Bath and Beyond and ends up hearing LeVert after having a discussion about Manfred Mann’s pronunciation of the word duece?
We do. Apparently.