Eyeballs

So I’ve had glasses since sophomore year of high school.  Likely have them until, well, forever.  I didn’t really want them but once I had them on and realized how much more and better I could see, I was fine with them.  Although they wouldn’t let me get contacts for a year.  So for basketball I had to wear the rec-specs.  Not as cool as you’d expect.  There was no customization back in ’85.  You got what they made.  So I couldn’t get navy and gold ones to match our uniforms, or the team logo, or lightning bolts or anything cool.

oldschoolspecs

Turns out Rye, despite protests to the contrary, has actually inherited some of my genes.  Which, as I continue to tell her, are mostly cool.  Yes, she got some of Mom’s too in all fairness.  After all she’s good at math and has good hair.  No way that’s coming from me.  But Mom had glasses too.  Till she had that laser beam eye melting surgery.  Anyway, my prescription had lapsed so I needed to have an eye appointment in order to get my new set of contacts.  Figured I use the two birds one stone strategy and bring Rye along for her first eye appointment.  Didn’t plan ahead though and I had to follow the second half of the ISU-KSU game on my phone.  Big win by the way. 

If you’ve been to the eye doctor then you’ve had the glaucoma test.  You press your forehead against a weird looking ocular device while placing your chin on small support.  Then you open your eyes as wide as you can while looking into the device and…they shoot a short puff of air into your eye ball.  Then they do it again with your other eye.  Rye was, to put it mildly, a bit disconcerted when I explained the test to her.  Had to talk her off the ledge a bit.  I mean my eyes are watering now just typing this.  It’s not natural.  You don’t shoot anything into your eyeball, you don’t jump out of a perfectly good aircraft and you don’t argue that grunge is better than hair metal. 

But she survived.  However, while I’m sitting in the chair with all the cool vision testing contraptions, the doc says, “okay, got to give you the bifocal test now.”

Whoa.  Whoa.  Whoa.  Let’s just hold on a minute there chief.

“I’m 42.  Not 82.”

“Well, once you hit 40 we like to give you this test.  It’s important to know exactly what your eyes are doing.”

“Um, yeah, here’s the deal.  I don’t care about the result of this test.  But the answer is that I’m not getting bifocals.”

“I see.”

Turns out I didn’t need them anyway.  My prescription hasn’t really changed in the last 3 years.  Other things that haven’t changed?  Jim Delaney’s need to destroy college football, the media’s torrid love affair with the President, and preeminence of Miller Lite as the king of light beers.

 So now Rye has glasses.  And contacts.  And we have another expense.  Awesome.

Conclusions

In my time on this earth, I’ve reached a few conclusions. For example, never cheer for your rival/enemy for they will always let you down. In 2005 when all it took was Nebraska beating Colorado to give Iowa State the Big 12 North Division championship, I was put into the position of cheering for huskers. They of course let me down. The only time I can remember it ever not ending in complete disaster was 1976. The Raiders had to the beat the Bengals on MNF to put the Steelers into first place. I cheered for the Raiders and they won. Of course I was only 6 and the rule was that I could only stay up and watch the first 15 minutes of the game. So I’ve never really counted it.

If you recall my last post, I was on a hot streak. Part of that hot streak involved a local appliance/TV recycler being open on New Year’s Eve to take our old TVs. We visited said recycler on the morning of the 31st and despite telling me specifically that they’d be open. They were closed. I called them from right outside their offices and left a message. They called me back on Jan. 3 letting me know their hours. Gee, thanks a pant load Chet. Doesn’t do me any good 72 hours after I called. Anyway, this led me to another full proof rock solid conclusion.

Al Gore can suck it. Not to mention it signaled the end of my hot streak which also directly led to Iowa State crapping themselves in the Liberty Bowl.

I mean you try and avoid going to the dump to dispose of your old dehumidifier and old TV’s. You seek out a recycler that takes both even though it costs you more to recycle them instead of simply disposing of them. You make the effort to do what is right for the environment.

And the hippies you’re depending on let you down because they don’t know their own schedule. Which reminds me why I think Obama won. Liberals are really easy to please. My evidence? I’m getting a salad at Whole Foods and the young 20something hippie poser at the register asks if I need a bag to carry my salad out. I respond with “nope, I’m good.” Her response? “Awesome, you rock.”

Not kidding.

That’s all it took to please the young liberal. So case closed on Obama’s appeal to this demographic.

Anyway back to TV recyclers. So I’m sitting outside their offices. The offices they specifically told me would be open on New Year’s Eve. Offices I’d like to enter to pay these long hairs real cash money to take some old TVs off my hands. And they aren’t there. So I call a couple places, including the county dump. They all tell me to go exactly where I’m currently parked. Until the nice lady at the dump says, “Well, we’re open. You can bring the stuff here.”

Done and done. Only cost me $15 to leave the dehumidifier and it was free to toss the TV’s into a dumpster. So, I guess, sorry Al Gore. I tried to help. But you guys didn’t hold up you’re end of the bargain. So suck it. I’m taking everything to the dump. It’s cheap, it’s open when they say it is, and I can take anything I don’t want anymore, except my federal tax burden and the Steelers crappy drafts from the last few years, and leave it there.

Wonder if the grocery checker at Whole Foods still thinks I rock…