Tank Battles and Other Things

You know what song you can’t help but sing along with?

This one:

It was streaking up the charts 25 years ago this week. You know what else was hot this week back in ’86?

Jams. C’mon man, you miss them.

Regardless, we’re having the second round of parent-teacher conferences this week. Naturally, these three additional scheduling requirements come during a week when we’ve been asked by our church to help out with some advertising. It has become apparent, to me anyway, that we’re hottest family in the church. There’s no other logical explanation as to why the pastor asked us to be on a billboard for the church…unless we were the only family dumb enough to agree to do it. Hmmm…

So, in addition to our drop-offs and pick-ups for gymnastics on Tuesday and dance on Thursday, we added a conference Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday morning and Wednesday afternoon. Plus, we thought Wednesday afternoon was a good time to pile on our photo shoot. They wanted us to make surprised faces as in “man, those folks look like they are having a surprisingly great time at that church.” The girls had absolutely no problem hamming it up with goofy faces. Photographer had to ask Bails to dial it down a bit.

Good news is that all the girls are doing well academically. Oddly, they seem to have math skills. Bailey is having some trouble getting to her desk on time in morning. A fact I find confusing. She’s in first grade. How exactly are you late when the daycare bus drops you off at the front door of the school and you only have to navigate two turns to get to your room? It’s not like she’s walking to school constantly distracted by bugs and flowers while fighting off killer ninjas. When she gets to her room she has to take off her coat and get her folders out of her backpack. That’s it. It’s not like she’s trying to guard Glen Rice during his ’89 NCAA Tourney run. She’s evidently getting stuck at her locker for some reason. Again, weird because the only things of note on or in her locker are a pair of socks and a sweet Steeler helmet magnet. Go Bails!

Kinsey’s and Riley’s conferences continue to get easier as they get older. I hope this trend continues and has better staying power than the Obama Agenda or Baltimora. But I gotta admit I was confused a bit by the reports we received. I mean Kinsey’s teacher said absolutely nothing about her losing her temper and unleashing the fists of fury. And Riley’s teacher had no information regarding her instigating conflicts among other kids for her amusement. But hey, thank God for small favors I guess.

Speaking of small favors, I send Bails to bed Tuesday night. About a half hour later I go up the stairs to make sure everybody is sleeping. Hmm…that’s weird, the TV in our room is on and there’s a small blond 1st grader watching it.

“Bails, what’re you doing? You’re supposed to be in bed.”

“I was going to bed but I got distracted.”

“Distracted by what? Wait, what’re you watching?”

“Tank battles.”


“Yeah, it’s cool. The German tanks are tough.”

I evidently left The Military Channel on and she was watching Greatest Tank Battles.

So Bailey’s approval ratings are on the rise in our house.


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