Mom flew out today for two days of meetings. So you know what that means?
That’s right a puking second grader.
The timing is simply amazing. Astounding. There is no logical explanation as to why whenever Mom must go out of town, there is something that blows up the daily routine like Scott Brown blows up health care bills.
God evidently didn’t think that Riley’s orchestra concert Thursday evening was enough of a challenge. He needed to add vomit.
Last night, about the time we see the temple during the season premiere of LOST, Kinsey comes downstairs holding her tummy with the whiny look. This does not draw any kind of reaction from Mom or I. Kinsey exhibiting the whiny look is like french fries looking tasty.
So we get her a blanket and have her lay down next to us. Because neither one of us is willing to miss any part of LOST by doing some actual parenting. Plus Kinsey normally falls asleep within minutes of laying down. Its really sort of remarkable how fast she can fall asleep. She’s like the Carl Lewis of narcolepsy.
Except right when you’d expect her to be falling asleep, she breaks out in dead sprint for the bathroom. When kids know they are about to throw up several things happen. First, they panic because they’re kids and they haven’t had enough math to do an accurate and quick estimate on the level of speed needed to be beat the flow of barf. Second, the on set of panic blows their fire control all to hell so rarely do they hit the water when they are talking to Ralph on the big white telephone. Thankfully, however, Kinsey managed to do this.
But then she went upstairs to bed. And not her bed but Riley’s bed. We go upstairs to bed and I notice something.
“Man, it smells like Kinsey honked again…and by that vomit trail on the carpet and the spatter pattern on the toilet, it looks like I’m right.”
And maybe Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo was a good idea…
We get her a bucket, a sleeping bag and a pillow and Mom puts her on the floor in our room – on my side of the bed. Several rounds of dry heaves later, Kinz finally falls asleep for good.
But I was at home all day today because I’m pretty sure if your kid is throwing up 7 hours before school starts, you’re supposed to keep them home.
So we were vomit free today which means Kinsey is back to school tomorrow. Tomorrow is dance day too. But we have to bug out of dance early to make it to Riley’s concert. A performance of which she is unconcerned. My evidence? This conversation:
Dad: Rye, your first concert is Thursday, you need to practice your violin.
Riley: Why? I already know everything.
Betcha General Custer said something similar when he charged down that hill in Montana…