The A to Z Book of Toots

I’ve been meaning to get this post up for a couple weeks but our 4th grader kept forgetting to bring her composition notebook home. And she’s really the author of this post.

Over Labor Day weekend, we drove down to Mom’s folks’ house. We picked the girls up after school and were on our way. About halfway there, Riley pulls out her composition notebook. Riley enjoys writing stories.

“Mom and Dad do you want me to read you the book I wrote?”

“You wrote a book?”

“Yes. It’s called The A to Z Toot Book.”

Well how about that, our daughter wrote a book about toots. Cutting the cheese. Barking spiders. Messages from the interior secretary. The thunda from down unda.

And here it is (with some commentary from me):

A is for the Appalachian Toot. Also known as the Hillbilly Toot. You can smell the gubmit cheese.

B is for the Bionicle Toot. I don’t really know what a bionicle is or why it is tooting.

C is for the Caribbean Toot. Spicy with dreads.

D is for the Ding Dong Toot. You probably have heard this one. High pitched to start with a real low bass to finish.

E is for the Echoing Toot. Usually performed in tunnels. Easy to blame on somebody else.

F is for the Fillipian Toot. It’s biblical. I was laughing too hard to tell her she misspelled it.

G is for the Galloping Toot. You’ve done this. You’re running and it’s sneaking out between strides.

H is for the Hound Dog Toot. Always nasty.

I for the Icy Toot. Popping a cold one.

J is for the Jumping Toot. The very idea of a jumping toot is frightening.

K is for the Kangaroo Toot. Sounds like Crocodile Dundee.

L is for the Leprechaun Toot. Smells like potatoes. AKA the “McToot.”

M is for the Moroccan Toot. Spicy with a touch of chickpeas.

N is for the Nestiga Toot. She’s either just making up words or she actually invented a new toot.

O is for the Octopus Toot. Shoots ink.

P is for the Potato Toot. Made famous by Dan Quayle. Related to the Leprechaun Toot but more starchy.

Q is for the Quitter Toot. Noisy with a sudden ending.

R is for the Rhombus Toot. An equilateral parallelogram other than a square toot.

S is for the Soloing Toot. One done alone on a stage or in the Millennium Falcon.

T is for the Tomato Toot. Fights cancer.

U is for the Uranus Toot. Self-explanatory.

V is for the Voca Toot. Rye evidently doesn’t know a lot of words that begin with “v”.

W is for the Wong Kong Toot. Beef and broccoli.

X is for the X-ray Toot. A toot so powerful it emits radiation.

Y is for the Yo-Yo Toot. In and then out, in and then out.

Z is for the Zon-Zon Toot. Far Eastern in origin. Foul in stench.

Published in: on September 22, 2009 at 10:39 pm  Comments (1)  
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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Destined to be a classic.

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